“Oh I’m sorry I don’t think I asked for your two cents,” is what I want to say when people give me unwanted mom advice.
As moms we always need this reminder and for soon to be moms learning this now will be beneficial when raising your little one the way you want. I’m a firm believer that
God creates our kiddos just for us and creates us just for our kiddos
With that being said there will always be those who give us advice on how to be the perfect mother to our children, and most of the time that advice is unwanted and wrong for who we are as a mother.
With Cos, my first born, there was so much I needed to learn about regarding him and myself but I knew it would be a journey of discovery for the rest of my life. Of course I had many people, especially other moms who had been in the game longer, give me advice on what I should and shouldn’t do with MY child. It became overwhelming because all of the advice made me feel as if I wasn’t doing a good job nurturing and raising MY child in MY house. Come to find out I was doing what I needed to do for MY child and myself whether it seemed right or wrong to others. The continued advice I would get would make me scream inside because I knew in my heart I was doing what was best for us.
Some of the worst advice I have been given:
“Girl you better put him down and stop spoiling him”
“If he doesn’t eat then send him to bed hungry ”
“Don’t let him sleep with you, you won’t be able to get him out your bed”
It’s so easy to get caught up in all the mom advice that others give that you start to go insane and feel overloaded with information.
Here are 4 ways to deal with that unwanted advice we mothers get on a daily:
1. Nod and smile: Yes I know what your thinking. If this is advice I don’t want why be nice about it? Well some people are genuinely trying to help. Like Grandma, Mom, Aunt, Mother in Law… Just look interested, take what they have to say, grit your teeth and smile.
2. Speak up:
Some A lot of advice we get really doesn’t apply to us. Putting my child down was not an option for me. Don’t get me wrong I did not hold my son all the time, but when he was first born I held him and marveled at what Marcos and I created. Watching him sleep in my arms was the most rewarding and precious thing for me at the time, especially being a first time mom. So when someone kept telling me over and over that holding Jr would spoil him, my response was very nice and clear.
“A baby spends 9-10 months inside of a womb listening to a heart beat every minute of the day. A voice of a woman who will take care of them through any and everything. For a child coming into this world all of that is gone. So if “spoiling” MY son is what it takes to provide him with the security he and I need then that’s just what I’m going to do”.
Needless to say I never received advice from that person again.
3. Don’t try to prove your point to strangers: I tell you strangers are drawn to pregnant women and women with children like flies at a BBQ. They approach with a quickness before you can swerve out of their line of vision. Before you know it they are talking to you and giving advice about your child. When strangers give advice don’t try to prove them wrong. I know as mothers we know our children and always want to prove someone wrong, especially someone we don’t know. Put them in their place to make ourselves feel better. I know that’s how I feel at times, but to be honest their little piece of what they believe is necessary truth will be forgotten by them as soon as they walk off. Do yourself a favor don’t try to prove or argue your point, it will only make you angry and you go all day bothered while they have moved on to give the next stranger they see unwanted advice.
4. Walk away: Getting advice all the time, whether it’s wanted or not, can make you go crazy. To prevent a blow up and hurting someone’s feelings who meant good just walk away. I know I’ve walked away a couple of times in order to control the situation and spare feelings I know I was about to hurt. I would rather save a friendly relationship than cause a major meltdown between me and the person trying to give me their advice.
Unless I am talking with close friends about mom things and we exchange (see the word I used) mommy ideas I do not give my advice unless it is asked. Even then I always give my disclaimer
“now this is what I did but it might be different for you”.
I never want the make someone feel as if they are not doing their best as a mother. We as mothers go through so much during the day, heck during the first minutes of starting the day. The last thing we need is to feel as if we are not providing and giving our children what they need in our house.
So to those who love, love, love to give advise please remember every mother and child is different. We are all in this together.
What is some advice you have been told that just did not work for you and your child?